Trees, Lessons, and Life

The tree that looked different from the rest – it felt like it was looming over me.  It felt like the moon feels sometimes – you move to a new spot and there it was.  Following me.  I sat among all the other soccer moms.  I was different though.  They all appeared to know each other, talking with one another while I sat alone, contemplative in my thoughts.  I looked around at my daughter and her teammates. They were smiling, running, having a good time.  The way 5 year olds should.  I looked across to the other field where I could see my 8 year old getting instructions and engaging with his teammates in his competitive style.  I was happy.  But, I was also sad.  I felt tears welling in my eyes and was glad for the sunglasses I still had on my eyes to hide the tears.  The other soccer moms all appeared married with husbands who came to the games, to some practices and engaged with their kids.  I was glad for that intact family unit.  How I longed for that full unit again with a husband and father to these two sweet kids of ours.  Jim has been dead for only a few months and I ached for my kids.

And then there was the tree.  I felt its presence again.  I looked up.  I felt comfort looking at that tree over the past many weeks of soccer.  I thought it was because of its unusual branching and geometric shaping across the sky.  I thought it was because of the straightness to its form, its proper looking stance and directness.  But then, on this particular soccer night as that tree called to me again, I looked and realized why I was drawn to it.  The tree was absolutely leafless – it was dead.  And there this tree was surrounded by living trees.  The dead among the living.  Both trees present.  Both trees making their mark on the world.  Both trees working together in such a way that by being together it was much more of a wonderful sight.


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Melinda on November 7, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    That tree may be you right now…not that you’re dead physically of course, but you’re in among the “norm” of living all the while feeling like you’re dying inside. A piece of you has been taken. Those soccer moms around you are carrying on life as they know it. They know you’re there, but maybe afraid to approach or don’t know your circumstances and don’t consider going beyond their realm to ask. But, you’re there and that’s a good thing. Standing proud with arms stretched out for your kids and representing you and Jim while cheering them on. You’re such a good mom.

    Take good care…


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