A New Year and the Change that it Highlights

New Year 2015

It is a strange feeling. Even though Jim was so sick for so many years, I always had the belief that “next year will be a better year” or “this upcoming year is Jim’s year to be healthy again.” Such thoughts kept me going, kept things bearable and we both worked hard towards this goal of health regained. But at the start of 2014 we celebrated the new year in the hospital and for awhile, I wasn’t sure we would be able to get Jim home. This became the new goal and we accomplished it. The remainder of 2014 was filled with ups and downs, but obviously Jim’s illness steadily overtook him and after half of a year, we lost him. So this year, 2015, my usual thoughts of “this is the year for Jim – for us – for our family” are gone. There is no Jim here anymore, there is no chance for health recovery here anymore, only a sadness and emptiness that the dreams we both had cannot be accomplished here anymore.

But a new year does bring the time for reflection in a formal way. A time to consider the review of the previous year and the aspirations for the upcoming one. Even though my new year is looking very different than I envisioned it last year at this time, it is an opportunity to embrace the gifts and blessings that surround me and my children. There are so many. Friends who invite you out and treat you as they always have, friends who pay special attention to the kids and take them on outings to remind them how good the world still is, family who send you lots of Christmas gifts to remind you that you are loved, friends and neighbors who contribute towards us going on a vacation and colleagues who pitch in to allow for the opportunity. Strangers and acquaintances who pray for us, helping to propel us forward. Sunny, cloudless days on a crisp winter day highlighting the trees and birds flying through the skies, reminding us all that there is beauty in the world. Always.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Julie Rohree on January 6, 2015 at 5:06 pm

    This is a new world for you and the kids. It is a world without a husband and a father. However, the world is a beautiful place and it is filled with love. I am so glad you can see the clear, crisp days and the people who are there for you. Your open mind will allow you to heal and enjoy what is available for you in this new world. Jim would want you to enjoy every minute of your life and he would be disappointed if you didn’t live life to the fullest. It is ok to laugh, smile and reflect. Allow yourself to be happy.
    Fill those empty voids with laughter with your kids and know that you will all be okay. 2015 will be a peaceful year and a year to heal. So will 2016…..and so on!

    Reply

  2. Posted by Peggy Groscup on January 6, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    Beautifully said Erica, always thinking of you and hugging you from afar. xoxox Peggy

    Reply

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