Reflecting on the Opposite Sides of a Coin Philosophy

When I pulled up that Friday evening, I had the same overwhelming feeling that came over me the year before.  There was peace and sadness at the same time.  I looked around and felt gratitude for all the people and noticed how many women were there alone, also dropping off their children for grief camp.  And thus sorrow came along with the gratitude.  It was sunny upon retrieving my child that last day and then the mist and the drizzle came. The memorial service the kids put on for parents no longer with them that last afternoon was sweet and full of laughter at times, and at other moments, tear-provoking. 

And so was the weekend of opposites.  Two emotions and two feelings, opposite of each other and yet occurring at the same time.

And this happens, often really, if I think about it on a deep level.  I can feel loneliness and at the same time, contentment and peace.  I can feel happiness and sorrow together.  I can feel deep pain and hurt along with laughter and joy.  Often these two sides, just like those on a coin, can be turned and looked at from different perspectives.  I can hold one side and one emotion for as little or as long as I would like before I flip the coin and see the other side.  Sometimes I may choose to sit with the uncomfortable side for a while.  It reminds me of sadness or hard times but this is powerful and helpful to me.  I can recall those feelings of genuine anguish and appreciate them for the lessons they taught me.  I can feel that pain and connect with others who are hurting.  I can touch that feeling and appreciate how it carved me into the person I now am. 

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And when the time is right, I can flip that coin and consider the other perspective.  I can appreciate the joy that I have at a deeper level.  I can use the peace I feel to help my children.  I can love more fully and deeply as a result of all these opposites that have come to live and settle in me.

And I hope that these threads, due to tragedy, that are now weaving in and out of my core, find their way to binding me with others.  These threads leave my essence and move through my two children in different ways.  Sometimes I have no idea that my actions or words are touching them in any tangible way, but then months later something is said by one of them and it touches me greatly.  We are firmly connected not only by the parent-child bond, but also by that bond that comes from tragedy.  Sometimes unspeakable, especially with young children who may not be able to fully articulate their feelings, but the bond is there and it grows stronger all the time. 

And bonds can form and grow too with others as well.  As long as we embrace the duality of the coin and sit with the negative feelings as well as welcome the positive feelings.  Both of these sets of feelings have something to teach us and both help make us into better humans as a result.  So instead of trying to flip your coin too quickly to the side that pleases you, consider looking at the uncomfortable side.  Consider the message, the lessons, and appreciate how these unpleasant feelings can connect you to others and help you grow along your journey.

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